Supersexy

First thing’s first.  I want to apologize to both of you who read last week’s post.  There were a couple instances of improper vocabulary usage in the interview.  I realize this is a family friendly site.  And I will do a better job of concealing what I call “potty” words.  So, without detracting from the tone and accuracy of my interviews from here forth, I will just use parenthesis and a slight description so that these “potty” words won’t be read by the kids.  And if your kids can read, what the heck are they doing reading this?  Get those baby geniuses reading something that will help them in school, thus alleviating Mommy and Daddy’s contribution to Junior’s college fund via scholarship money.  

So, with that said, I give you Oklahoma City’s most seasoned triple A veteran, Royce Huffman.
BV: Royce, first question.  You have a shirt you sometimes wear under your jersey for home games.  What does that shirt say on it?
RH: Supersexy.
BV: You think that’s fitting?
RH: Well, it started out…  I hadn’t even seen that shirt until after spring training.  And I remember telling myself in spring training, “I want to feel sexy in the (batter’s) box.”  You know.  I just want to feel sexy up at the plate.  And sure enough, I go to Fort Worth.  My parents have a place there, and (Royce’s brother) Chad left some stuff there.  And I saw this shirt of his that said, “Supersexy.”  It was blue and red, kind of matches our team.  But I wore it for the first three games and got no knocks.  So I scrapped it real quick.  It’s hanging back in my locker in Oklahoma City.
BV: So, that will exclusively be for the misses now?
RH: Yeah.  Yeah.  I’m actually gonna give it back to my brother.  It’s definitely got no knocks in it.  
BV:  Nice of you to do that to your brother.  Give him his shirt with no knocks back.
RH:  Yeah, you know.
BV: Speaking of your brother, my second question.  Kind of a hypothetical because I know he plays for the Portland Beavers in the PCL.  I gotta ask you.  It’s a situation.  Let’s say he does something on the field, and it angers me when I’m on the mound.
RH: Do I have your back or his back?
BV: If I hit him and he charges, who are you helping beating the crap out of whom?
RH: That’s a tough one.  Knowing Chad, if you do hit him, he won’t charge.
BV: Let’s say he does.
RH: Okay, if he does charge, I’m gonna have to get in the middle and break it up.  Because I’m definitely not going to throw any blows at my teammates or my brother.  So, I’m going to have to play peacemaker on that one.
BV: You’re such a (another word for cat, or a type of willow).
RH: (laughs) I know.  I mean, what do you want me to do?  Clock my brother or clock my teammate?
BV: That’s what I want to know.  I’m trying to get to the root of this interview.
RH: Ah, (vulgar term for the physical act of love).  I don’t know.  I really don’t know.  It depends on who hits him.  If you hit him, you know… he’s, uh,  I don’t know.
BV: So, if I hit him with my side-arm 86 miles per hour in the butt…
RH: He’s got a big (another term for donkey).  Yeah, he’s got a huge (donkey word).  It will not get to the muscle.  (laughs, hysterically)
BV: Okay.  Awesome.  People might not know you played college football at TCU.  And you have a former teammate at TCU who has made a pretty good career for himself in the NFL.
RH: He has done well.
BV: Tell me about Aaron Schobel.
RH: (surprised) Aaron Schobel.  I like that.  You know what?  I’m so glad you said that said that instead of L.T. (LaDanian Tomlinson)
BV: (kidding) Who’s L.T.?
RH: Exactly.  You know what’s so funny.  Aaron and I are pretty good friends.  His brother, Matt, married my cousin.  So, we’re pretty close.  I can say I have played with two pro-bowlers.  But Aaron Schobel is awesome.  He’s a great pass rusher off the edge.  He’s got a lot of speed, and he’s really got a nose for the ball.  He’s a guy… When he was a freshman, we had our lockers right next to each other cause I was number 12.  And he was number 14.  So we would talk (synonym for feces) back and forth all the time.  He was like the worst practice player ever.  He was the laziest, laziest guy you’ll ever meet.  At least he was when I was going to TCU.  He never wanted to work out.  Never wanted to practice.  But for some reason, when the lights flipped on, he was around the ball every play.  And he’s a great dude. He deserves everything he’s gotten.
BV: You really thought I was going to ask you about L.T.
RH: Because everybody talks about L.T.  You know, I made L.T. a lot of money.  I really did. I was the slot receiver.  We ran the option a lot.
BV: Cracking back on those (line)backers.
RH:  Cracking back on option.  For me, they out-weighed me by thirty pounds.  So for me to hold a block on an outside backer for more than a split second was a task.  
BV: So all those guys whose ankles he was breaking on highlight reels were guys you missed blocks on.
RH: Exactly.  He would never have had to show the scouts he was so good at yards after contact or making guys miss in the backfield and getting positive yards if it wasn’t for me.
So he can thank me for being a bad blocker.
BV: Alright, last one.  I don’t know if you know this.  But there’s a very famous musician who shares your birthday.  Michael Bolton.  I love him.
RH: (amazed) Really?  Are you serious?
BV: I am a Michael Bolton fan.
RH: Is this an Office Space question?
BV: I’m just messing with you.  You don’t really have the same birthday as Michael Bolton.  You do actually share your birthday with Mary J. Blige.
RH: Really?  Cause here’s the deal.  I always watch Entertainment Tonight to see whose got my birthday.  And there’s somebody.  But it’s some scrub, so I don’t really think about it.
BV:  Wow.  You’re calling Mary J. a scrub.
RH: (emphatic) No.  No.
BV: I hope she is one of the dozen people who actually reads this blog.
RH: I did not know that Mary J. Blige was January 11.  And now I do.  Mary J. Blige.
BV: Isn’t your life fuller now that you know that?
RH: It is.  It is.  What’s that song she sings?  The, um… (the afore mentioned term for the physical act of love).  What’s that song she sings?
BV: I don’t know.  I’m a Michael Bolton fan.  I don’t know what the hell Mary J. Blige sings.
RH: (laughs) Michael Bolton.  I love Office Space.  Because that no talent (donkey term)-clown has my name.
BV: And that’s a good note to end on.  Thanks, Royce.
RH: No problem, man.  Anytime.
Royce Huffman is an awesome dude.  He signed in 1999 with the Houston Astros and is anxiously awaiting his major league debut.  He is definitely a guy who you want behind you as a pitcher.  So, if you’re a minor league fan looking for a good guy to pull for, root for me.  Royce is good too.  But I’m going to be selfish and throw my name in the hat.  

11 Comments

It was SO much funny with the description of the words you didn’t put on the “family friendly” site! LOVED IT!!! Thank you for the great laughs this morning! Good luck and stay healthy!

Julia
http://werbiefitz.mlblogs.com/

Beau I really think you need to interview yourself. And the question is “What are you throwing and how soon can you get to Arlington?”

Good stuff as usual man, keep it up. I am ready to see who you interview when you’re in Arlington, shouldn’t be long.
Rocky

I’m lovin’ this blog. Very humorous and down to earth. I was at the game in Omaha Monday. It was good to put the hurler to the humor. Keep it up. Hope to see you in a Rangers uniform soon.

J

Thanks for the parenthetical censorship. I actually attracted the attention of my boss with my barely stifled laughter this morning while reading. Yes, the thanks was semi sarcastic, as I generally try to fly under the management’s radar at least until after my mid morning nap.

Don’t go changing, you’re a flower among weeds…

Nice blog Beau. I don’t want to break out my “jump to conclusions” mat too early, but I don’t remember the rangers being at .500 this late in the season any time in recent memory. Could this end the post season drought. Probably not, but hey I live in Oklahoma so lets just hope for a PCL championship. Here’s my million dollar idea: interview yourself and destine Beau Vaughan for major league greatness in Arlington. You totally need to be a correspondent on Rome is burning! Just leave my luxury suite passes at the will call window for giving you such a surefire idea. BTW, when you’re in arlington, eat at Papadeaux..It’s awesome! BBTW, I’ll be the guy at the brick with A-state cap! War sun-devils!

Red Sox prospect watchers haven’t forgotten you, Beau. Keep up the good work.

http://www.soxprospects.com/players/vaughan-beau.htm

Nice blog, I remember watching Royce punt barefooted in college. He was also on the TCU team that played the first ever game at my High Schools Stadium way back in 1998. He hit a HR in that game.

Lol I just read all three of your entries within the last three minutes, and didn’t stop chuckling for a second. :)
I love the way you censored the explitives.
So I was wondering… When you get called up (haha when, not if), will you interview some of the Rangers? Because that would be uber-awesome!
You say you had 12 readers… Well now you have 13! :)
(Hmm, is that an unlucky number?)

Ask Royce about me waxing him in ping pong. He was worse than his blocking at TCU. Go hammerheads aka jupiter!

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